Disclosure

This weekend Kelley and J are having a kids party.  Kelley invited some people who aren't aware of our entire relationship.  Since most of the people ARE aware of it, she decided to tell the two couples who don't know.  One couple who they don't know very well, she emailed.  They replied with a very nice email about how they weren't freaked out and were still going to come and if they had any questions they'd email.  That was good.  The other couple I think Kelley will probably call.  The female half works with J.  We were all at their house this past weekend for their daughter's birthday party, so they have interacted with me and Cheesemeister and BB quite a few times, and we like them.  Hopefully knowing us and liking us will negate any issues they have with our situation.  
Cheesemeister is on his way over to Kelley & J's place as I type to help with some yard work.  We kind of used up their Sunday time hanging out at their place so I don't think they got as much done as they wanted... solution?  CM and BB going over there to help out as much as possible.  It's nice to have extra people to help out.  Another advantage to the poly lifestyle....everyone should do this!  ;-)

Kids-free weekends rule!

This weekend we were kids-free!  It was sooo nice.  BB & M went to their grandparents and then Kelley & J came over to our place late Friday night.  We each got to spend the evening with our spouses and then all day Saturday all together.  Kelley & I shopped (after some much over-do girl on girl action) while Cheesemeister & J played XBox.  Then we all went out for dinner at a Japanese Hibachi grill and Kelley & put on pajamas and we all went to see "The Other Guys." I think J was the only one of us who really liked it.  There were a few funny parts, but mostly it was kind of lame.  Sunday we got up, went out to breakfast and walked down to the Farmer's market a few blocks from our house.  Kelley & J had to leave around 11:30 to meet her parents and pick up M.  It was nice hanging out with each other and not worrying about what the girls were doing, who was watching them, if they had eaten, giving baths, reading kids books, having to edit what we say, do, watch on TV, etc.  We used to try and do a kids-free weekend monthly, but I think it had been awhile since we'd had one.  It was much needed.  

I have some exciting news.  I was offered a new job at a large university hospital about an hour away from where we live.  It's about 1/2 hour from Kelley & J.  The money is better and the benefits are awesome.  Since Cheesemeister isn't working, he and BB can't currently get health insurance through my job, but I will be able to insure them at my new job.  I'm happy about that, plus it's a HUGE clinic, with lots of doctors and tons of learning opportunities.  I'm really excited about it, though not excited about an hour long drive.  Cheesemeister and I will both be driving an hour away, to the same area (his school is in the neighboring town to where I'll be working).  However, as I've mentioned, the housing market sucks so badly right now that we owe more on the house than it's worth...  So, we're stuck here for awhile.  Maybe in a year or so, there will be some miracle and our house will go up in value so that we could at least walk away even...  *hopes*

Cheesemeister will finish his semester this week and then have a couple weeks off.  BB starts kindergarten in September.  It's going to be a lot of new adjustments for her in a short period of time.  I hope she handles it okay.  CM is worried about her and starting to think about Young 5's rather than kindergarten.  I don't know.  I think I'd like to see how she does in Kindergarten.  She's definitely smart enough, just not sure if she's socially ready.  

Hmm...that's about it.  Wouldn't it be nice if someone besides me wrote on here?  Yeah, I think so too....  ;-)   

The Lake

We are currently on vacation.  All 6 of us, plus Kelley's parents and her sister and her nephew.  It is great...  sitting by the lake, remembering when we were here last year and how I realized on that trip that I was really and truly in love with these people... I remember laying in that bed with Kelley, kissing her, feeling her skin against mine.  I remember sitting at the bonfire and getting butterflies when J looked at me.  I remember feeling happy when Cheesemeister and Kelley were laying on the dock, under the shooting stars because I knew that they made each other happy.  I hope to be here with them year after year for the rest of our lives.  I hope to have this, this love and this family forever...  *happy sigh*
-Amy

Another week goes by...

The last week was pretty uneventful.  J & Cheesemeister drove for swap this week since Kelley was traveling.  It was kind of nice to just stay home.  BB woke up twice that night, once with a nightmare and another time the thunder woke her and scared her.  The next morning my dad called while J was eating breakfast across the table and BB talked to him and J & were looking at each other waiting for her to say something to my dad about him being there or him being my boyfriend or something.  Luckily she didn't, but she did inform Cheesemeister that J is my boyfriend and he is my husband when he got home. Ahhh, kids...they're lucky they're cute.

This weekend Cheesemeister's family had a party on Saturday and then we went over to Kelley & J's afterward.  We almost all fell asleep on the couch (except J) and Kelley made a big breakfast Sunday morning and we ended up splitting up and going to see "Inception" which we all loved.  The girls got along really well while J & I were home and Kelley & Cheesemeister were at the movies.  Then I whipped up some pasta primevara with whole wheat pasta and organic vegetables (Kelley & J belong to an organic vegetable group where they get a large bag every week).  It wasn't great, but everyone ate it and said it was...it's good to be loved.  ;-)

The main topic among our households is the vacation we're going on next week.  We're all heading north to the lake that Kelley's family has gone to for years for the whole week!  YAY!  We all really need it and I feel like I haven't seen Kelley in forever, so I'm looking forward to laying on the beach with her.  

Just another CRAZY week in the life of us CRAZY poly people....  or not.  LOLz

Oh, and J keeps saying he's going to blog on here.... but he hasn't.....  Ahem.  ;-)

The 4th to present

Kelley, J & M came over last Friday night so we could go hang out with my family at my sister's on the Saturday before the 4th of July.  Everything was fine, we hung out, cooked and went to bed, sleeping with spouses since Thurs was swap night.  Saturday we got up, I made a big breakfast and Cheesemeister spilled a glass of milk all over Kelley's work laptop computer.  Not awesome.  She was really great about it and was not upset with him, though I think he wanted to die.  So Cheesemeister and J spent most of the morning taking it apart and cleaning it.  Luckily it DID start later when we got home...I was convinced it would never work again and we'd be dropping $2000 on a new laptop for her...WHEW!  The "A" key doesn't work, but otherwise it's fine, so we ordered her a new keyboard to put into it.  

Anyway, we're up there and after a couple hours I feel like Kelley and J are not having a good time.  There's some tension with the kids (my child, my niece and M).  So Kelley & J ended up leaving pretty quickly after dinner and I'm feeling like crap because I was really looking forward to the day and wanting my parents and family to get to know them better since I'd like to eventually share the details of our true realtionship with them ...  My parents were fine, my dad played with M and my mom I think was fine (she's been known to be a bit snobby).  My one sister (C) who doesn't know about it felt weird about them being there I think, since she felt like it was a "family only" type event.  My niece and BB were being bratty to M and that upset Cheesemeister and me....we ended up talking to BB about it, and I mentioned it to my sister and she spoke with my niece.  It just ended up that Kelley & J didn't have a good time, and that really made me sad.... So, the whole "coming out" thing strikes again.... would it have been WORSE had C known, or better?  I don't know....

This past weekend we were Sans-kids.  We stayed home for a spouse night Friday night and then Cheesemeister and I went over to Kelley & J's Saturday.  J ended up getting a call for work and worked all day (poor J) :-(  So Kelley, Cheesemeister and I all watched True Blood all day long, which was nice.  We went out for dinner and brought something back for J.

So, a "wild and crazy" kids-free weekend was a fail, but I was just as happy relaxing and sitting on my butt all day.  Sunday morning Kelley made a huge breakfast then went to the farmer's market and bought some tasty desserts, which we all shared (cause you know how we like to share).  Bwahahaha.  I ended up getting a text from S (my sister who was watching BB) asking us to be home by 2pm, so we had to leave there by 1pm.  Much much much too short of a visit.  :-( 

It's hard to say goodbye to them when we have to leave....  like, super hard.  So, I sit and fantasize about our commune..... one day.

I'm in ur kitchen..usin ur wireless interwebz...

Right now I am watching Amy look for a snack....they just went to the grocery store and are still sans food. It happens to everyone no?  What is she wearing you ask?  Gray sweatpanty capris...and the "My GF Wu is Strong" tank that we made last fourth of July. She's so sentimental.

Meanwhile...  J has arrived with my taco bell...Cheesemeister is doing some craft project. And I am about to eat.

Let's face it folks...the night is young :-)

lmaoz

Update

So, an update on the job situation.  Cheesemeister ended up rescinding his acceptance of the job after talking with me Monday night.  He wasn't happy about it and stated that we'd be going into debt every month without him bringing in an income, which is probably true.  However, all in all, it was bringing in money or being there for everyone.  I felt that being there was more important and made it known that that's how I felt.  I encouraged him to see if they'd let him work part time, or ask for day shifts on the days he didn't have classes, but to him, life is black and white.  You take it or you don't.  He didn't want to take it, have it not work out and then leave because that's really not his personality.  So he is upset about it and I'm feeling guilty and crappy about it.  But, it was a lose-lose situation, and I think everyone was going to feel pretty unhappy no matter what happened. 

What to do....

I don't know what to do.  Cheesemeister (CM) got a job offer, I should be happy, right?  Well, he accepted without discussing it with me (or Kelley).  He has already enrolled in school full time to start tomorrow, and the job is working from 3pm - 11 pm and about an hour away from our house.  So, he will never see me during the week, and I will have to get up, take BB to daycare, go to work, leave work before we close every day to pick BB up, take her home, feed her dinner, give her her bath, and put her to bed every night by myself.  In addition, CM will be leaving the house at 7 am and not getting home until almost Midnight on the days he has classes.  He's making a lot less money than his last job, gets no benefits, and will be spending 2 hrs a day in the car.  And those are just the things that won't directly benefit our relationship with Kelley & J.  Because since we won't see each other during the week, we're going to want to spend our weekends together and right now the weekends are basically our only time with them.  So he's asking me to give up: him, my freedom, my parenting help, my GF and my BF.  I am absolutely miserable just THINKING about this, so I know once it comes to reality, I'm going to be so unbelievably frustrated and resentful that I don't even know what to do.  Kelley and J have reacted how I thought they would.  "We are scared we'll never see you and things will dissolve, but we want you happy and we will support you in whatever you do and do whatever we can to be there for you."  I feel so unbelievably lucky to have them... but this could be the path to losing them and I can't bear it.  I know CM thinks he's doing what is best because he will be bringing in income and right now he isn't...but isn't a happy family more important than money?  

Swap switch-up

As I said in a previous post, usually Thursday is swap night.  Kelley goes to my house and I go to hers.  We live about an hour away from each other, so it gives us a little extra time with the guys.  Normally the kids stay put in their own houses.  This week, however, Kelley had an appointment early Friday morning, so we switched swap to Wednesday night and had the guys drive.  In addition, Cheesemeister decided to take BB with him over to Kelley's because the girls hadn't seen each other in a long time.  That left me and J with a night alone, which is a rare and wonderful occurrence.  I do feel bad for Kelley and Cheesemeister, dealing with the kids, but we'll take our turn soon enough so they can have the luxury as well.... :-)

J and I both tend to lean towards being night people, so we usually stay up pretty late when we're together.  The other night, at 1 am, after the consumption of two pieces of chocolate and coconut cream pie (YUM!), J decides to go look at the interwebz and watch several "literal videos," this being one of the best:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA .  So we stayed up and watched several of those before I either had a sugar crash (you know, from the pie) or I just really wanted to sleep.  

Thursday morning, I got up and didn't shower, brush my hair or put on makeup....I threw my hair in a pony tail and went to work.  The going part was hard, as it is every time we have to leave Kelley or J or they have to leave us.  I wish circumstances were different and we didn't live so far away.  We all want to live together....the economy and the values of homes in Michigan right now make that impossible for responsible people, which we all are.  Our house has fallen in value by  30% in two years... We owe much more on it then it's worth right now.  Kelley and J bought their house several years ago, but would most likely be in the same situation.  So, we're stuck.  Stuck driving an hour back and forth to see each other.  

We spend most weekends together, which is great, but also makes things hard on a couple levels.  For one, that leaves little weekend quality time (QT) with spouses since we tend to sleep with our BF/GF's when we're all together.  So spouses get the weekday nights when everyone is tired and grumpy from a full day at work.  It also leaves almost no time for the home-owner necessities like mowing, cleaning, organizing, laundry, yard work, etc. etc.  We've tried to spend some time on these things at whichever house we're at, but we usually have so much stuff planned and want to have fun, not do work. 

So, that's just another challenge to non-cohabitating poly life.  It is a struggle on many levels... but as we've discussed many times, the benefits of this completely outweigh the challenges... and I'll take a dirty house and too-tall grass any day to get to spend time with my loves...

On Being "Out"

 I've been trying to decide in which direction to take this blog... Do I talk about the day to day logistics of being in a quad relationship?  Do I talk about the emotional ups and downs?  Do I talk about my hopes, desires, fantasies...?  What I've come up with is that I'm not going to have a direction....  Kelley may decide that she is going to use the blog to do one or all of the above mentioned things... that's up to her.  For me, I guess you'll just get to read whatever is on my mind at the moment... hold on, because I have some major ADHD and my mind hops around A LOT.  :-)   In fact, as I write this, my mind has already been like, "I want to blog about this! No, I want to blog about that! Ooooh, how about this!!!"  So I'm going to start a list of things I want to blog about.  Today, i will focus on the idea of being out....

Kelley and I will need to talk about how much we share on here too.  Since we're currently using our real names (though first names only), if someone we knew happened upon this blog, it could be a bad thing.  We're not totally out.  None of our parents know, and few business associates know.  I'm lucky because I am a social worker in HIV/AIDS and my coworkers tend to be much more open-minded about alternative families.  I am out to most people at work... Kelley works for corporate America,  Cheesemeister (as I've decided to call my husband; Kelley's husband is yet to be named, so I'll call him J until we come up with something better) , as I said yesterday, recently left his job so there are no worries there.  J works for a large company, which shall go unnamed...but he deals with computers and internet security.   So right now, I'm the only one out at work.  It's nice being out at work.  I have pictures of my whole family up on the wall in my office and can openly talk about Kelley & J without anyone going, "Just who are these people, and why does she talk about them so much!?!"  A couple of my coworkers are also good friends, and get an earful of TMI when it comes to Kelley & J.  I am the queen of TMI, but hey, it's part of my charm ;-)


So I think we've all been struggling with wanting to tell our parents. None of us have yet.  I have 3 sisters, 2 of whom know about Kelley & J.  My one sister is very religious (we'll call her "C").  Her husband and she have two children who are 8 and 6.  I will probably not tell them until absolutely necessary (like, when we all move in together), but I know she is suspicious... Recently, we had a dinner for Father's Day with my parents, sisters and their families.  Kelley & J were supposed to be with us that weekend, so I told my family that we'd come, if we could bring them along.  Everyone said, "Sure! The more the merrier!"  and then, I get an email from C saying something like, "I really like K&J, and have no problem with them coming, but why are they coming?  I just think it's kind of weird."  She has made other comments about the fact that we hang out every weekend with them and finds it odd... so I think she is on to us.... and I guess if she ever asks point blank, I will tell her.  But for now, I am hesitant about how she's going to react with respect to the kids-both hers and ours.  


It's great that I am able to talk openly about the situation with my other two sisters, S & A.  S is married and the oldest, has been my closest sister and loves Kelley & J.  :)  A is the youngest and she's a bit of a bitch, but she is supportive and also loves them.   I am very close with my family and my parents, so it is kind of hard keeping this from them.  I want my parents to know and accept them into our family.  My parents are really great about "adopting" our friends, boyfriends, etc. and have already taken to Kelley & J...but not in the way I want them to.  My mom asked about our rings a couple weeks ago, and I stumbled all over to avoid the question.  Cheesemeister looked at me like, "Really? You think they're going to believe that?"  I am a horrible liar, and I don't want to lie about this.  I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I am so lucky to have what I have and I really want my parents to know.  I am going to tell my mom soon, and dad will follow when her and I feel is a good time to tell them.  My mom is pretty open and pretty soon, she'll be using a picture of my family to demonstrate "Alternative families" in her class.   *lolz* 


Well, to work with me..... 


p.s. I miss you Kelley.... <3<3<3

Rejuvenation & Confession

 So, I'm feeling rejuvenated for this blog.... as you can see, I haven't written since April.  That's a pretty lame way to blog. Once every few months?  Unacceptable.  And a lot has happened in those months.  My husband left his job and decided to go back to school.  He is now home with our daughter full time, until classes start at the end of the month.  I'm extremely proud of him but know he struggles with feeling like he isn't "providing" for his family.  His father was pretty absent in his life, and his family struggled financially because of this.  He doesn't want that to happen to us, or our daughter...who shall henceforth be known as BB (short for her nickname).  Moving on....

I was recently doing some poly research and found another blog, written by a quad, starting in 2006.  I'm fascinated.  The quad was also two married couples.  The wives were best friends for years when they realized that they were in love with each other and quickly managed to incorporate their husbands and children into one big happy poly household.... I love that all 4 of them occasionally blog, though it's primarily the two women.  It amazes me that members of their quad have felt and experienced a lot of what members of our quad are experiencing now.  We struggle....this isn't easy.  We've all had our moments containing irrational, illogical, jealous, possessive, resentful feelings.  Sometimes those feelings are expressed outright to other members of the quad, sometimes we attempt to keep them to ourselves (usually unsuccessfully since none of us are too skilled at hiding our feelings).  


Recently, I've been having some issues with my self-esteem.  This has most definitely affected the quad as a whole since I'm feeling more needy and wanting more affirmations from people.  I often come across as cocky and confident.  Often I am cocky and confident.  However, that is usually a clever ruse for my insecurities.  I have struggled with eating disorders since I was about 14 and had a current bout of anorexia within the last year an a half.  I lost a LOT of weight, and still look in the mirror and see no change.  I know based upon the scale and my clothes that I'm considerably smaller but in my mind there's not much different.  However, since I know that I'm about "average" now based on my weight, clothing, etc.  I have decided that self-deprecation is important enough for me to focus on OTHER problems!  Yay!  So now, I am obsessed with my facial features and my oncoming wrinkles, my stretch marks, etc. etc. etc.   This makes me really unhappy with myself...

I was raised a feminist. I've always been one and always will be one.  My mother is a feminist, and though she seems to get more conservative with age, we were never taught to believe that a woman's worth was based on her looks.  I have 3 sisters and no brothers.  Our father was involved with all of our sports teams (he coached our summer softball for probably 10 years) and then coached from the sidelines when we played in middle and high school.  We were expected to get good grades and there was never a question if any of us would go to college....we just would.  My father has a PhD and my mother has a Master's degree.  No one in my extended family didn't go to college and probably half of my cousins/aunts/uncles have graduate degrees.  We weren't taught how to put on makeup, do our hair, wear pretty dresses, etc.  When I went to college, I took a lot of women's studies classes, came out as bisexual, cut off all my hair and learned a lot about the struggles and inequalities women face in our society..... My point is, even with all this insight, the reflection and my positive role models, I still ended up starving myself to be thin.  I've done it off and on for 15 years and  I fucking know better. 

Recently my bf asked me why I was struggling with my self-esteem lately and I didn't really have an answer....I just know that I am.  I have two amazing men and one amazing woman who all love me.... You're lucky if you can get one person to love you the way they love me, and I have THREE!  There must be something good about me... yet right now, I'm struggling to see it.  

Huh, I didn't mean for this post to be about this... I was hoping to talk all about the awesomeness of our quad and being excited that we're doing family portraits this Saturday and will have professional pictures of ALL 6 of us!  But, I guess this stuff is on my mind and the blog is a good outlet for that.  

P.S. I'm at work.  I've been blogging for a half hour instead of working.  Hopefully I'll come back at lunch and finish.......if I don't get sucked into that other quad blog!  :-)  Happy Wednesday! 

-Amy

Blah blah blah blah me me me

Hopefully I won't get in copyright trouble for that title..cause it's the ringtone that plays when my girlfriend Amy calls :)

She sums it up well, and my husband and I..gah...how should we refer to them?  We've been together since highschool, married for 10 years, and have a 3 year old daughter. We both wade through corporate America for at least 40 hours a week, and typically more. I've got a BA in Communications from U of M and he has no degree, but makes almost 2x what I do. I always tease him that while he doesn't have a degree, he does own one. (cause he paid for mine)  We come from average, middle class families in the suburbs and our parents are still married to each other.

We had been in the lifestyle (swinging) for about a year when we met Amy & her husband. About a month after that, we decided to become exclusive. About a year after that, we're talking about shacking up and raising our kids together.

So that's what I know..here we go a blogging and stuff.  Stay tuned!

Thursdays are for swapping.

Thursdays are for swapping.  Swapping houses, husbands and children.  I leave work and go to Kelley's house and she leaves work and comes to mine.  Thursdays are awesome.  It's a nice break from the monotony of home to get to go somewhere else and see other people you love.  I've been missing M (Kelley's daughter) something fierce lately, so it'll be good to get over there and see her.  I am also missing my bf.  On a side note, both my husband and Kelley's husband's names start with "J" so I'm trying to figure out how to refer to them in this blog, since I know for a fact, my J won't want me using his real name.  Anywho, my husband travels a lot and it's often at the last minute, so that means that often, house swap doesn't happen, which is usually a pretty big bummer since I think we all look forward to them during the week.  Yeah, um......I have nothing witty to say right now.  Lolz

Hello blogger's world!

Well hello.  One day I emailed my girlfriend and was like, "we should start a dueling blog....but without the fighting."  Two days later, Polyfidelicious is born.  A bit about me, and "us," but I'll let Kelley tell you about herself.  Me:  31 year old social worker with a 4 year old daughter and a husband of 6 years.  I live in a fairly conservative town in Michigan.  I've lived here about 2 years now, and prior to that, lived in Virginia for 4 years while my husband was in the Navy.  I have a Master's degree from the University of Michigan and an undergrad degree from Michigan State.  I grew up in a "normal" family: two parents who are still together after over 40 years, two older sisters and one younger sister.  This is the shortened version....on a side note, all I can think of right now is that scene from The Princess Bride where Inigo is like, "Let me tell you....no, it is too long....let me sum up."  That's my "sum up" I guess.

So, in the last year I've added to my family.  Kelley is my girlfriend, her husband is my boyfriend, and their daughter is, what Kelley refers to as my "daughter-in-love."  :-)  We met swinging.  Yep, we were swingers.  We had the sechs with other people.  

Speaking of "other people," my husband just came up behind me to tell me that he hates the whole concept of blogs....but he's folding laundry right now, which redeems him for being a douche.  By the way, I totally love my husband.  I don't love his douche-baggery, but we all have our baggage, eh?  

Anyway....since I'm currently sitting here waiting for Kelley to get here for our "girl's night" (which we meant to start weeks upon weeks ago every other Tuesday night so her and I would get some QT) I'm going to end this.  It's a bit random, but we'll fill in the holes soon enough.  Oh, and I shall be typing in this purple color....Kelley will probably pick a different color.  That will maybe make it easier to distinguish since this is a bi-blog. ;-)

-Amy